Broken Hallelujahs

Lucy's been sick for a week now. It started as a cough, a happy cougher. Then Day 2-4 were fevers (up to 102) round the clock, with coughing, some runny nose and vomiting at night from all the mucus drainage (I guess). Bad nights of sleep...even worse than normal!! Day 5 and 6 have finally broken the fevers, but the puking at night continues, because the coughing fits continue. After a 5 min coughing fit my sweet little girl tells me thru tears: "I don't feel good..I need medicine". It's no fun.

But I can't help but be thankful for viruses even. Or at least the fact that she's "healthy" and able to fight off these types of things in her life right now. Yesterday morning I got word that one of my patients lost his battle to cancer. This was a particularly difficult loss for many reasons....not the least of which he was only 3. So close to Lucy's age. He had an amazingly beautiful smile. I only knew him while he was sick, but the photos posted in his room of his "normal life" told enough. As I prayed for their family yesterday, the tears flowed as if it was my own child. Maybe I was trying to imagine would it would be like for me...knowing full well I can't "imagine" such a thing. I don't ask God "why" about these things....but I do consider how there can be such destruction and ugliness in this life, alongside such wonder and beauty. I know that angels sang on the day he was born....and they sang on the day he joined his Maker in heaven. But we don't understand this truth.

Lucy and I made it to her favorite park, for a sunny but cold delightful time climbing and coughing on all the equipment! Her beautiful, smiling face (when she wasn't coughing) was extra big, extra beautiful to me, as I tried not to take it for granted that we are relatively at peace, healthy, alive. That beautiful sunny day was not the same blessing for another family on my heart. On the way to the park, an amazing CD by Mandisa was playing in the car. I found myself singing along to the chorus, and trying not to cry too hard as I drove:

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

I was singing on that family's behalf. And I wondered if I actually could do this myself (find a heart of worship) if I was ever faced with such tragedy. Or anything really. I want it to be real and true, but I never want to put it to the test!

I'm watching Timmy and Lucy play, Lucy dictating the rules of their imaginary game. I pray that Tim will realize the depth of his privilege; that neither of us will take for granted or tire of her requests to play, ride piggyback, or do the same game for the 100th time.
PS, I'm 24 weeks today and loving the roly-poly kicks and flutters this baby has been giving me the last few weeks!!
PPS: Lucy just showed me a little arrangement she made of Mama ladybug and baby ladybug..."because baby ladybug loves mama ladybug". awwwwwww.