Labor.....Silence......

It was a deja vu. It was about 9:45 pm, Tim and I sat down to do a crossword puzzle, when painful contractions (as opposed to "uncomfortable" ones) started. We had just thrown another name for baby boy back into the mix of options. As I had several more contractions, just about 5 minutes apart, I was like "this feels familiar!!" Not just that painful contraction, but trying to name our daughter at 10:00 at night.....and thinking "uh-oh, if this is labor, I haven't gotten any sleep!! Not even a nap today!". We decided to bail on our half finished puzzle, and get some sleep, just in case. Too late, despite my laying down, they kept coming, 30-50 seconds long, every 4-6 minutes....for the next 3 hours. I had felt crummy all day, with some discomfort and nausea around 7pm. But besides that I didn't have much prep time for this onslaught of contractions. With Lucy, my water broke, waking me up after an hour of sleep, and then slammed me with the contractions every 3-5 minutes for 2 hours. I remember thinking then "Oh, we've labored so long at home, how exciting, we'll be mostly done once we get to the hospital!" They said to call when we'd had those types of contractions for 1 hour, and we waited 2! Ha, who knew the miserable and lengthy time it would take (24 hours later) to birth our beautiful daughter. So of course with that history, I knew we shouldn't run to the hospital. We waited 3 hours before calling....I watched some tv between contractions, Tim packed and rested. I walked, I sat, I layed down, I showered....no matter the position, they came willingly. Finally, I called my friend who is/was planning on being my "doula" type support, and the doctor. They were mostly lasting longer than a minute now, and coming more like 2 1/2-3 minutes apart. Surely this is time to go in. The on-call doc agreed, saying "you're probably a 3-4 (cm dilated), and being your second baby you don't want to deliver in the parking lot". Agreed. We got there around 2:00am, and over the next hour I was monitered, and just like with Lucy, things started slowing down in intensity. And as before, the nurse was ready to send me home. She checked me and I was only 2 cm. (I had been 1 cm at the doctor's office about 36 hours prior). So I got up and walked. For nearly an hour, and they continued to slow down. At 4 I decided to take a little rest, so I layed down, and had a few more. After a bit, I got up and walked again.....this time with only about 2 contractions in 30 minutes time. Drat. At 5:30, I returned to my room, for our pre-appointed check in time. Not surprisingly, I hadn't changed at all, and they had all but stopped. They did another 30 minute monitering study, and told me to go home. The nurse said a few different times..."you gotta come in when they are 3-5 minutes apart and they take your breath away". I WAS!!! I felt embarrassed and annoyed. Like I made up a labor story, kept my husband and my friend awake all night just to come and cause the hospital cost and annoyance. That's not truth, but it's how I felt.

All day today, I've taken intervals...2 hour naps, wake up and eat a meal and clean till I'm exhausted, sleep again, wake up and read to Lucy....trying to have normal activity despite my sick feeling of exhaustion, low blood sugar, dehydration, frustration, and confusion. This is not even to mention that baby has been choosing to be kind of chill, and not make his presence strongly known. I have to frequently do the belly jiggle (think Mommy Dearest), to make sure he's alive. Despite the fact that I'm not overdue, and all tests have been reassuring, I continue to worry that he's in danger in there. I know too many stories of heartbreak. Real people, not just tv shows.

So as planned per my last doctor visit on Wednesday, we'll go ahead and keep our Saturday morning planned induction. 8am we'll go in and see what's going on. Start with a little misoprostil, and see how things go. She said I could cancel, or do as little or as much "induction" intervention as I want. There is something nice about having an "organized" "planned" Saturday morning labor start. I feel a little worried that forcing my body into something it's not ready for is only going to bring more misery and suffering. But my mental anguish does count for something. I want him out, so I can moniter him myself!! I'm tired of worrying about that cord....the giver of his life....taking away his life. I'm tired of trying to explain to Lucy every night, that if we aren't here when she wakes up, we've gone to have the baby. I miss her while I'm sleeping during the day to make up for the night time hullabaloo. So, unless something changes in the next 10 hours, I'll rise and shine, hopefully well rested, and see what "medical intervention" does. The most helpful thing my friend was able to do for me, was lay her hand on me in prayer. For patience, peace, and surrender, knowing that all of this is in His capable hands. Amen.