How did I not know that??

Tim usually gets up on Saturday and takes Henry the early riser with him to get pastries for breakfast. It buys me at least another hour or maybe two of sleep! Today, I decided to let him sleep in (he was happy to oblige) and I took Henry on our Saturday breakfast run. The kids and I had finished eating by the time Tim joined us downstairs. I was vacuuming up croissant crumbs when I thought I should make him a coffee. Hmmm, remember the time when I didn't know what kind of coffee he liked to drink? How is that possible?

Flashback: It was the morning after our wedding. We had stayed the night at a hotel in downtown Seattle. (God help me, I can't remember which one!!) I woke up early that morning, restless and anxious, still sort of in shock that we were actually married. It was still dark out, and pouring rain. So opposite of the miraculously sunny day just yesterday. I decided to go out and explore. I snuck out of the room and went on foot to see what was nearby. Still dark outside, all that seemed of interest was a nearby Starbucks. (on every corner in Seattle!) Being Seattle, there was a homeless person outside the store. I was at the peak of my season of compassion for homeless people.

Side story: Tim and I met and liked each other based on our mutual "gifting" of hospitality. Tim was much more "service" oriented, and for a while we felt compelled to give to anyone who asked. We felt compassion for every homeless person with a sign. I had given some cash and a granola bar once to someone on the corner at a red light (I'm not saying this is all that generous!), and he (the street man) was all smiles and praise, telling me what a lucky man my husband was! This was before we were even engaged, and I decided it was a sign from God, and went and told Tim all that happened, not with-holding the man's comment about my "husband"! Tim in his usual stoic way must have nodded and "hmmm"d, but I was all a-flutter!

Back to the flashback: I was in the habit of giving to those on street corners. And that morning, I felt generous....I was MARRIED!!! So I told the person I didn't have any cash, but if he wanted to come in I would buy him breakfast. He was a little surprised I guess, and said they wouldn't let him inside. I kind of argued with him, saying he'd be with me, it would be ok. (???) He held his stand, so I took his order and went in. I bought him his coffee and an egg sandwich. I took it out to him and I left to continue my walk around the area. It was still dark mind you, and within a block it had started to rain again. Ok, I give up. I'll go back to the hotel. But now I wanted to bring Tim something. So I went back to the same Starbucks, and there was a DIFFERENT homeless person with a sign outside! So I went in, bought stuff for Tim and I, and something for the man outside. I felt a little more taken advantage of this time, as if someone were keeping track of me, and I was eager to know if Tim had woken up and "missed" me.

I eagerly returned to my new husband, who only stirred once I returned to the room. I had brought breakfast food and a soy mocha for him. I was so pleased with myself. Tim tried to take a drink perhaps, but it became clear that he wasn't enjoying it. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me it was too sweet for mornings. How did I not know that he drank plain espresso or drip coffee for breakfast? (those are not his words, just my thoughts in hindsight!) Soy Mochas were only for afternoon treats every once in a while. We had already taken many trips together including to foreign countries!! It's not like I've never been around for his morning routine! How did I not know this?

I probably did know this, somewhere deep back in my mind. Perhaps I thought the first day of our married life was reason to have a treat. Regardless, I felt deflated. The weather was depressing, Tim was less than "Mr Wonderful" that morning, and the TWO homeless people I fed did not change my world in any significant way. I thought married life was going to be "ABOUT" something. What are we about??

I still ask myself this question quite frequently. What are we about? things have changed. I know now that Tim rarely likes sweet coffee, and I know how to push the button on the espresso maker, if I so choose to make him a coffee. Of course we have 2 kids, so much of our days are filled with details around parenting. That's mostly my camp, and I am absolutely happy with my role in life right now. Hands down I wouldn't want it any other way. I rarely give to anyone on the corner with a sign anymore: partly because there are SOOOOO many in Seattle, partly because I'd rathar give to places that help in the big picture way, partly because I don't carry cash, and the kids are with me. I want to show them it's ok to give, but I don't know how to really teach that so I wait. Lucy has a heart for helping people, as Tim has done a nice job of night time parenting....reading her Bible with her, and stories from around the world of those less fortunate, praying with her for those who need physical help. I want us to model real life helping and compassion for our kids......but this is getting too long, and that's another story altogether.

I mostly wanted to say, at least after 8 years of knowing Tim (almost 7 married years) I know how he likes his morning coffee. I know he likes the TP roll to go "over" not "under". I just learned last year that he actually DOES have a problem with the way I squeeze toothpaste. I seriously had a meltdown over that discovery because I couldn't believe we were such a cliche! I guess we're still figuring out what we are "about". "One day at a time Sweet Jesus, that's all I ask of You".....