It's not a Magic Wand.

I wrote a well "liked" status post on Facebook last night. It felt like a real-life miracle, one of those semi rare occurrences when I feel convicted to testify of Gospel Truth, without concern of who I might offend or cause mis-understanding. I wrote about how my son was really struggling at bedtime, unusually difficult, and that I had been trying for an hour to console him, let him cry it out, nurse him....nothing was working. (I'm lengthening the story now from that which was on FB). Finally in a whisper, I said "Jesus is the Giver of sleep". I could have sworn I felt H relax a little. "Jesus is the Giver of good gifts. Jesus is the giver of hope. Jesus is the hope of all nations. Jesus is the restorer of souls. Jesus is the Truth. Jesus is the Light of the World." And so on. I was suddenly worshipping, not just anxiously attempting to parent my son. After I seemed to have exhausted my list of all that I knew Jesus to be, I realized H was limp and asleep. No more screaming out in unknown angst, or arching in an attempt to get away from me, or passing his questionably painful gas! And I was at peace, after having a true encounter with my God. After I put him to bed without repeat offense, I just HAD to give credit where credit was due! Thank you Jesus! Then the night time continued. I lost count of how many times H let out painful sounding cries. Some of them were soothed by nursing. Some of them returned only 20 minutes after having fallen asleep. Some of them lasted over an hour, despite constant consolation. You can bet I was calling on Jesus for help. It sure wasn't an act of worship in the wee hours of morning. More of a petition for a band aid, or a magic wand, or an impatient "please just make this go away". During one of the longer events, where I was actually awake, I thought of my FB post, and felt even more agitated. How come I got the miracle when I was awake and energetic, but now that we really NEED one (at 2am), I feel alone and forgotten? I don't have answers to my own questions. I do know this: God's presence is never summoned. It is always there. When I worship I am more aware of His power and Holiness which changes my perspective, but it doesn't change the amount of His presence. Sometimes I need to see that the miracle is more subtle: I gave birth to this little person who is learning and growing and struggling and cannot tell time, and needs me more than anyone else right now to help him thru these valleys. The miracle is that I have ANYTHING at all to give him, since I am incomplete and far from capable on my own. The miracle is that I even hear my son cry, when the other two members seem to sleep thru, and my old college roommate reminded me that I don't wake very easily/happily/coherently! (or at least I didn't use to!) So even when He doesn't respond to my cries for a magic wand "miracle", I'm so thankful for the glimpses He gives me that sustain me during the every day "miracles" I am blessed to be living.