Spiders of Hope

I want to try and focus on the good things that happened today. I could easily write a whole post on why it feels like everything that is wrong about our lives is my fault. (i.e. sleep deprivation: my husband can barely do his job due to no brain syndrome which must be sleep deprivation; i can't remember simple vocabulary words, again presumably due to same thing....both my children thrive in their waking hours, which confuses me!!! But it seems as if I've ruined TWO children now, simply because I nurse(d) them for nutrition and comfort....and because i can't stand more than 20 minutes of full on cry it out.....and because....well, that's the only thing it could be, because one day they are normal sleeping children, waking up only once in 10 hours to feed, and the next thing you know it takes 2 hours, screaming and crying *mother and babe* and a whole lot of booby just to go to sleep....and then it starts all over again when the "10 minute startle" starts it all up again. actually tonight was 3 hours, but who's counting. I could puke from the gory details.....)

So like I said, I have to focus on something that feels like a success or I don't know what I'll do! :-)

We had a beautiful little accidental home school lesson today! I've been feeling sooo weary of not having fun with my children. We've had various people help out by entertaining the kids during the last month of packing and moving, and now unpacking, and a bit of TV, and thank God for the sunny park days. But I've missed my kids. But I can hardly focus on enjoying them because our environment feels so stressful (boxes, boxes, boxes). So we had a pleasant hour today when it all aligned. Henry was PERFECTLY content in his jumpy-chair. I put something outside on the deck, and noticed a spider actively making a web. Have you ever really watched a spider make a web? It's fascinating. You should take the time. I called Lucy outside and we watched together for a little while.

(that's not a crumb on the lens, that blurry thing in the middle is a spider!! darn it, Tim just taught me how I could have brought the spider into focus instead of the trees. DOH!! Next time! Last I checked, the little guy was still out there, waiting for some fly to get caught in his meticulous web. Talk about patience!!)

That motivated us to pull out our library book about spiders and read it again...mostly to make sure it wasn't a brown recluse spider! (no where close). THEN, in utter delight, I remembered this craft I had found on a blog and wanted to make with Lucy...a spider door hanger...a little pouch to put candy in or whatever.

I have bought Lucy a Dora halloween card (she picked it out, and Joanna snuck it in our grocery cart a couple of weeks ago. Lucy is going to be so happy when I put it in her little halloween pouch/stocking..she's going to say "I've always wanted this"...i guarantee it.) I was amazed that I found the odds and ends (in various unpacked boxes) to pull this craft together. We made do with hearts stickers for eyes and mouth...Lucy's idea.

Lucy was thrilled, she talked about it all day, and so happy to show Daddy. I was eager to hear Tim's praise too. I need him to know this doesn't come easy!!! But actually this did. Thank you God for some hope in my day before I even knew that I needed it!!!

And this is the picture I need to keep in my mind's eye, about the wonder Henry has. He is sooo observant, and soaking all this world in. It's my consolation, that he just doesn't want to miss anything (is why he doesn't sleep). He's so cute in his little panda hat, and bundled up in this baby swing, fully at peace, fully content, and exploring what is within reach. I love it. It will be my focus as I drift off to sleep now. I'm up later than I should be; but if I had gone to sleep with the first paragraph on my mind, it would not be as peaceful as with this little sweetie pie on my mind!!