3. goodwill or favour 5. a sense of propriety and consideration for others 7. mercy; clemency
Normally I just say "she's sensitive". From her first days on this earth, I noticed she had a special spirit. When she was less than 3 days old, and I was at my peak (i.e. lowest moment) of sleep deprivation and breastfeeding pain, she latched on and I cried out in pain and swearing (a very bad swear word), and her eyes got big, and she just had a look of "sorry mom, I'll be more careful". I promise, that her eyes killed me with Grace. I cried for a solid 20 minutes on what a terrible mom I already was!!
Moving forward in time, as an older infant, whenever I cried, she would put her hand on my cheek, and look into my eyes. Healing Grace from my infant. Not to mention all the times when she overhears me talk about sad things to others on the phone, and she'll suddenly burst into tears..not in anger...so I can only assume out of some kind of empathy.
Now with less hormonal swings, and a little more sleep than the early days, I cry less and yell more. The first time I gave her a time out for something, she cried, in a hurt feelings kind of way, and after she was done, she did the thing I asked her to originally, and I said "Thank you Lucy, Thank you for listening to Mama". EVER since, whenever she gets a time out, she says "Thank you Mama" while she's in time out!! I don't know if she's thanking me for helping her get control, or thanking me so I'll thank her....but it's usually her signal that she's "done" and ready to do what I've asked her to do. She's always so sorry to need help.
Fast forward to last evening, the point of my story. We were out looking at 4 homes (for sale). We were with our agent friend Dawn, and while Lucy has met her before, she is still a little shy around her. (Actually, the first time she met her, she went right up and hugged her! But then I guess she realized she didn't really know her, and now she turns her ahead away in shyness around her?!) Anyway, Lucy is very used to going to open houses now, as we go to one almost every week. She usually runs thru the house, opens cupboards, turns on water, etc. Last night, with Dawn as our escort, she was not interested in walking, but needed one of us to carry her around. The 4th and final house tipped her over. It tipped me over the edge too. It was a fixer upper (we knew that), but in the worst way! An elderly man was living there, and it was a disaster! It smelled (BAD), there were papers everywhere (in the pack rat sort of way), stuffy, dark....i just wanted to run away as soon as we walked in. Tim, being who he is, was able to look around at the "bones" of the house. All I could see I tried to turn into this man's story.
Jewish and Israeli literature framed on the walls, Mezuzah's on every doorframe (I had to look that word up: they are the blessings of a Jewish home). I wondered if his wife had died, if he had traveled from Europe perhaps during the war, if he had any family....why is the light shut out of this home?? Tim was holding Lucy thru it all, so I know she wasn't "feeling my vibe". But as soon as we got out to the car, she would not get in the car seat, and started trickling the tears. I held her in the back seat, and she just clung to me and sobbed quietly. Perhaps it was just my own internal processing, but I am SURE that her sensitivie spirit picked up on some of the same stress and sadness in the home that I did. She wanted to go home, but couldn't let go of me as she cried sweet tears. I didn't want to place thoughts in her head, but wanted to try and figure her out. I held her and said it was okay, we were done with houses....and eventually told her it was ok to be scared or sad (both things she nodded her head "yes" to when I asked if those were her feelings) when we don't know how to interpret things around us! Ha, that was for my own heart, probably not hers.
I remember in 1st grade....we made Christmas cards in School (yes, public school!) and then went and sang our little Christmas program at a nursing home. We were to hand out our homemade cards to whomever we wished. I was quite shy as a child, but I remember realizing that all the old people sitting in the front rows had ALL the cards. I think my classmates would just run to the closest person, throw them a card, and run back to the safety of the "stage" area. I knew it wasn't right to give a card to someone who already had several, so I walked thru the "trenches" of the sick and elderly, to find someone in the back who had not received a card. I'm sure I wished her Merry Christmas as I handed her my card, and that woman cried as she hugged me tight and thanked me. I can still remember the mix of feelings: Pride that I had made her happy, a little scared that a stranger was hugging me; and that little rush of emotion I get with doing the "right thing" as my own choice. No one told me to do that, I just knew to do it.
So I'm just saying, that this type of social awareness can come at a young age....Lucy's not too young to be sensing and sensitive to the world around her. I hope I can help guide Lucy through these early years, as we decipher what kind of heart she has. I don't want to turn it into something it's not...putting expectations on her in any certain directions. But I'm soooo soooo thankful to already be seeing glimpses of her Creator working in and through her. By His Grace, we'll work it out. At least on Tuesdays.
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