Crazy Day

What a strange day I've had. Finally coming down off the hype. Now it seems silly to write about. But I will for my own benefit.

It all started with a "nopay" call from work at 5:16 a.m. I was glad to receive the call, but I always lay awake for a bit thinking about my day ahead, or yesterday or whatever. Inevitably before I drift back to sleep Lucy wakes up. I think it was about 5:45 when her cries got me out of bed. I did the usual: offer water, give a hug, even lay down with her for a few minutes, turn her music back on. After about 20 min, and 2 failed attempts at putting her back to bed to sleep, I went back to my bed, giving Tim the opportunity to try. After 10 or more min, I heard "Mama, Maaaama" as if she'd forgotten that I had given her so much already! So I sent Tim back to bed, and hunkered down for a long "early morning" on the futon with her. She got to wiggling which is her sign she needs her bed, whether she knew it or not. As I tried one last time, she cried and I had to pull "logic mom" out of my hat. "Listen here Lucy. It is still the middle of the night. (6:15 or so) and I am very tired. YOU are too. All this wiggling and crying tells me you want to stretch out in your comfy bed and go to sleep already. (I know, she's only 19 months, but she understands it all!!). So one more hug and kiss, and I'm laying you down. Please don't cry, because if you do you will have to cry a long time before I come back. I'm going back to bed, and I hope you will too!" As I laid her down, and walked to the door, she stood up and cried again, but I pulled rank. "Lay down, and don't cry. I'm going back to bed". I closed the door and within seconds her whining stopped, and we got another 2 1/2 hours sleep! Funny that I had to tell her so directly.

By the time we woke up it was so sunny and clear, that I was thankful for the opportunity to head outdoors. I had some brand new running shoes I wanted to try out, so I bundled Lucy up with fleece, hat, coat and gloves and headed to Green Lake. In the car I heard on the radio it was 33 degrees. oops, that's kind of cold. But she was bundled, so i thought it would be ok. the first half of the 2.7 mile trail was great. She happily sang to herself, I was jogging a good amount, my shoes felt great. I was thinking happy thoughts, and wondering if my life could be any more blessed. Then Lucy started getting antsy, so i let her walk a bit, enjoying the ducks and rocks. Sadly, my jogging sweat was starting to freeze me now that we were walking a toddler's pace. She would no longer tolerate being in the stroller, and we were a long way from civilization. Just then we passed some construction and a closed/locked storage shed with noises coming from inside, some rustling. I seemed to be the only one that looked, and I couldn't help but circle back and try to investigate. My gut told me something weird was going on, but just then Lucy started crying hard. she was in the stroller, but didn't want to be. I had called Tim to ask him for the number for non-emergent 911 call, but i couldn't even ask him my question cause lucy was so upset. I spent the next 15-20 minutes trying to console the unconsoleable baby, who had since pulled off her gloves, had snot pouring (and freezing?) on her face, and little cold fingers. She said she was hungry but wouldn't eat. She wouldn't let me warm her up. Here I was carrying this 26 pound toddler, pushing our stroller, and freezing myself in the shade and the wind chill. I sat on a bench in the sun to try and assess her, and she cried even harder. oh dear, i'm the worst mother in the world...for bringing my little girl out here in the freezing cold, for my "benefit" (to exercise). My panic-y tears started forming, and I just had to do my best and carry on. Then an angel named Amy appeared. A seasoned mom (3 grown kids) who asked if she could push the stroller with me while I walked. I accepted with tears and thankfulness, and we chatted as her presence distracted Lucy momentarily. We walked for maybe 7 or 8 minutes, until Peet's coffee was in sight. I knew we could find refuge there (even though it was just another 5 minutes or so to the car, I knew we'd DIE before that!!) I parted ways with Amy, thanked her heartily for her kindness at the peak of my wearyness. She said she had "been there" and knew what it was like. Her niece is a charge nurse in an adult ICU, and is currently sick herself, a patient in the ICU, only 29 years old, with some kind of viral illness. Please join me in praying for this woman, that if God does reward people for their kindness, that He will choose to heal Amy's neice this very moment!!! Looking back I wish I wasn't so selfish, I would have liked to offer my best wishes or prayers or something for her niece. Instead, I just worried about my own daughter.

We made it to Peet's, and Lucy still screamed bloody murder. Mind you Lucy just does NOT cry like this very often. I knew she was cold, and possibly in pain. She normally loves coffee houses, but was NOT comforted by the warm and cozy atmosphere. So, instead of disrupting everyone, I headed to the bathrooms. The women's was locked, so we went in the men's room, me kneeling on the floor, trying to comfort her/warm her while I cried and tried use nursing judgement instead of mom panic! haha. Finally, I think she was warming up enough that she realized she was in the bathroom, and thought that was a little strange, so we were able to calm down enough to go buy a drink. Meanwhile, her very cold fingers (she had taken off her gloves a while back and refused to wear them) still had blood flow to them. but her legs felt very cold. I took off her socks. and her feet had poor circulation. In my worst fear, I called our doctor's office and spoke with the nurse. "I know it's crazy...but what does frostbite look like? Her cap refill is more than 5 seconds, but her skin looks ok. I'm a nurse, but I'm just worried". She walked me thru her little guide book, and I calmed down. Lucy was happily eating some pumpkin bread on my lap. Just then, a friend of mine Jill walked in, a peds ICU nurse who used to work on my floor. She didn't see us, but just knowing that if I wanted to I could go ask her to assess Lucy's toes!! I felt relieved to have a back up! Instead I called Tim (who was at work) and told him my fears, and that i didn't think we could make it to our car. I knew I was being kind of jerky, but I was cold, tired from carrying her so far, and frankly just wanted his presence. after some back and forth he said he would come. THANK YOU. Over the next 30 min, we enjoyed our treats, went to talk to Jill and her sweet family....told them to be careful because it's COLD outside. (they were planning on walking around the lake). She said several times: "I can't believe Tim is coming to get you!!!" I know, i'm a loser, but if you could have heard lucy cry, you'd do anything to prevent that from happening again!!

We finally got home, put lucy to bed (she wanted daddy) and I remembered that this all started by me wanting to call the police. argh. After calling several numbers, I got thru, and the very nice lady did say it was a very long time delay. I apologized, and said I wasn't even sure what I "witnessed" but that it gave me the gut feeling that I needed to call, and I couldn't shake it. She took the information, and despite her niceness, i know she was annoyed that this overly cautious person just wasted everyone's time. I guess I've done all I can and I can sleep well knowing that I did what I could. That is if Lucy doesn't wake me up. haha.

Ahhh, I feel better getting this off my chest. I have a cup of tea, have taken a semi-hot shower, and have a little heated "Lucy the Lamb" (you can microwave her little heart to make a warm pack) on my neck, finally feeling the thaw of body, and spirit!!