Lucy received a "Li'l Fairy Door" from Santa last Christmas. It was intended to be a motivation to keep her room clean, or even more important to sleep through the night. A letter from a fairy who lives behind the fairy door would come when the desired behavior occurred. Well, in the hubbub of the holidays, somehow the fairy door experience got out of control. Without my full control, a fairy named Aria soon became Lucy's best friend. For 6 months, Aria's visits were prayed for, anticipated and celebrated. We bought a fairy mailbox for their letter exchanges. Aria left gifts, made jokes, answered questions. Lucy asked magical questions and signed every letter, "love your best friend Lucy". However, the level of creativity needed to continue the story of Aria, was increasingly complicated, due to Lucy's smarter and harder and hungrier questions. Tim had suggested that maybe Aria qualified for the Fairy Olympics, and was going to be on letter writing sabbatical for the summer.
Two nights ago Lucy asked me, with some angst in her voice,
"Is Aria real, or are you just writing me notes?" (Here's my chance. I can break free from the hostage of creating magic and excitement for my child. Or I can break her heart. Is this really a choice?)
"Why do you ask that?"
"I don't know, I just think maybe you write the notes, and that fairies aren't real."
"Well, even if I did write notes, that doesn't mean that fairies aren't real."
(increasing anxiety) "But do you write me notes, or does Aria?"
(pause....my good friend GinnyRae who has 3 delightful children older than mine, walked this journey and gave me great wisdom. She asked her youngest when he asked "the question" about Santa if he wanted to know "the truth" or not. He opted for not hearing the truth until the next year!) Using that template I asked Lucy "Do you want to know the truth or do you want to believe in magic?" (to me that already answers the question!!)
"I guess believe in Magic" (and the conversation ended).
Last night, after reading and lights out, Lucy says: "Mom, I think I'm about to Cross the Rubicon".
(pause...What 7 year old says that???? The only reason I've ever heard of that is from our "Story of the World" readings from Jim Weiss. Apparently, if you haven't heard that saying before, it means you're about to make a decision that there is no turning back from . Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and started some kind of war.)
"Oh dear. Why are you about to cross the Rubicon?"
"Well, I'm not sure if I want to talk to you about it or not".
"Well I'm always here for you if you ever want to talk about anything. There is nothing off limits".
"Well I have a question that I'm afraid to ask."
"Ok. Well if you decide you want to ask me I'm all ears."
After 3 rounds of anxious eeny meeny miney mo, Lucy asks:
"Mom, are fairies real, or are you just writing me the notes."
(argh)"Oh, this again. Do you want to really know the truth, or Magic?"
"Truth?"
"Are you sure you want to know the truth?"
"yes...(not with confidence!)"
(long pause from mama, giving her a chance to change her mind.)
"Well, mom has had a fun time writing you notes from Aria."
(silence)
"Are you ok?"
"(squeeky fake happy voice) Yes"
"Are you sure you're ok?"
"Yes (squeekier still).
Then proceeded about 2 hours (starting at 10pm mind you) of questions about how I came up with her name, how I knew stuff about fairies, how I found the little basket of fairy mushrooms....and LOTS of SOBBING TEARS! oh my heart.
You can imagine what this creative, intelligent, passionate little girl was grieving by losing not just her best imaginary friend, but the dream of ever meeting a real fairy. I thought for sure it would be the end of all things magical and mysterious.
"I'm sorry I ever got that fairy door, if it's made you sad".
"You didn't, Santa did."
(that there's your problem.)
"Mom, how many days til Christmas?"
"Like 200. Why?"
"I'm going to ask Santa for a locket for Christmas".
mic drop.
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